


Holding Onto Love

by ATTHS_TWICE



Series: Tumblr Prompts [9]
Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, F/M, Heartache, Loneliness, Post-Episode Trust No. 1
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-02-08 02:56:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21468928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ATTHS_TWICE/pseuds/ATTHS_TWICE
Summary: Scully’s thoughts as she keeps a hold onto the words Mulder sent to her.
Relationships: Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Series: Tumblr Prompts [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1422571
Comments: 5
Kudos: 27





	Holding Onto Love

**Author's Note:**

> I saw a prompt on Tumblr and I had to write this little story, because Scully carrying Mulder’s email just breaks my heart.

She kept it small and folded within her pocket. Undetectable to anyone unless they were to search her person. A square of paper she did not leave the house without. 

Not anymore. 

Touching it, it was as though she could feel him with her. Physical proof that he had written the words, had been alive and relatively safe enough, to enter an Internet cafe and send her an email. 

She knew the words by heart, knew them so well it was as though he had said them to her as they stood close together. To another, the words may seem lackluster, but to her they were powerful and heart stopping. A poet could not have written words more eloquently. 

Not to her thinking anyway. 

_ I've resisted contacting you for reasons I know you continue to appreciate. _

She felt the edges of the paper between her fingers, turning it over and over as she walked down the hall from the classroom to her office. 

_ But, to be honest, some unexpected dimensions of my new life are eating away at any resolve I have left. _

Closing the door behind her, she paced the room. It had been weeks and the only contact she had with him, lay within the five sentences she knew better than her home address, her social security number, her date of birth. 

_ I'm lonely, Dana, uncertain of my ability to live like this. I want to come home. To you, and to William. _

She stopped pacing and sighed. Taking out the paper, she carefully unfolded it, needing to _ see_, not just know. 

_ I want to come home. To you, and to William. _

She shook her head and tears filled her eyes, missing him so much. 

_ I’m lonely, Dana. _

Her first name. To another, it was commonplace. To them however, it was used in moments of intensity, a call to truly listen and be heard. A term of endearment. 

_ Dearest Dana _

Two words that would put any love song to shame, if the intent was widely known. 

She touched the words, tracing over each one with her fingers. She knew it was a poor substitute, but it was all she had and would continue to have. He would not risk another email, not if he knew her safety and William’s was in jeopardy. Perhaps he received her last email, but she knew it was unlikely. He would remain hidden, alone, lonely, in order to keep them safe. 

Folding the paper again, she noticed a small tear and opened her desk drawer to find some tape. Repairing it, she carefully folded the paper, knowing she would need to replace it with a new one tonight. She would take one from the pile in her desk drawer at home and painstakingly fold it to match this one, just as she had done countless times already. 

The paper folded, she slipped it back into her pocket, where she worried it with her fingers. Closing her eyes, she thought of him, prayed for his safety, and selfishly thought of the words she would never say, not wanting to give them life so that he might risk his. 

_ Please come home, I miss you. _

  
  



End file.
